reasons why im kinda happy
1)My father is coming home for a few days here soon. Yes i know.. i said that i hated him a little while back, but how can you hate the man that is doing what he has to do.. you cant help that.
2)Made the musical, im Jud
3)I'm having fun with the play
reasons why im pissed/sad
1)I made the musical, meaning i have no time to myself.. forever
2)I havent had a talk with any of friends.. like a good talk in forever.. i never have time.
3)I'm losing someone that was really close, yet again. not again for them.. but yet another person to leave me in the dust
4)I just feel hopeless at times
5)Im starting to hate school
6)Too many thoughts...
7)Too many actions...
8)Too little time...
9)Too many disappointed people in me...
10)Too little of friends to be there for me...
11)I dont have the right to say that last one honestly, I'm not there for anyone so why should they be there for me?
"I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you" | 
